Becoming the perfect person

About three weeks ago, I went to the North Shore and stopped in at Barnes and Noble in Duluth on my way through, and naturally I grabbed a book on counseling and a book on horses. Naturally, to become perfect I have to learn more about counseling where I work and on my outside hobbies, horseback riding. I also bought some cheap books that had personality tests in them, why not? One of the test in particular was quite in depth, and I spent an hour answering question after question, until I couldn't wait any longer to read the results... I mean once you hit that hour mark you are thinking... next... answers please...

After an hour of carefully answering each question, the results read, in a three sentence answer that I was "balanced" WHAT?!???!??! Balanced leaves little room to work there... So what are my personality flaws? Wait, don't answer that, it could be dangerous ground, and I am well aware of some of them..... but still................

So, I decided to spend my time reading my counseling book instead... and I read and read... and read... and I still haven't figured out if I learned anything from that book, other then the fact that I need to order a different book! It is a decent book, but all it says is to learn something about the person you are counseling focus on how you react to them... and it goes on and on about the counselor and never says how to use your reactions to the person or the problems you might identify to help out the other person. Usually the book recommended that the counselor refer the client to someone else. If I am reading the book, why would I want to refer someone else after I finally identified the problem.... hello, I want to try to help them!!!!! Yes, I know, some times referrals are needed. So all I am learning is some statistics, and how to manage my feelings and thoughts better if I react to the person I am counseling... which usually I don't... hmmm... I shall keep reading... but back to becoming the perfect person..... I could start by ending my ramblings and stop switching directions, but no.... why bother....

So after finishing the personality test and reading a book that was of little help, I tried to figure out what "flaw" to work on in my life. What people don't realize is we all have flaws and things to work on constantly, and some of the best people we know and might consider heros, are people that are constantly trying to better themselves, are open-minded, and willing to take a look at what other people tell them. Our whole life we will always have something to work on, and I find that I am happy searching through life and constantly working on becoming the "perfect person." No, I don't think that will ever happen, but I will keep trying to better myself because by working on my "flaws" I naturally find better ways to handle my emotions (I know, not often a worry for me, I am more down to earth... but emotions are always involved some where I think?!?!), deal with people, deal with situations, and live life happily. We can also learn from almost anyone around us if we give it a chance... most people are better at something or some personality trait... etc... if we pay attention. If you admire a trait in someone else, why not look at your own way of doing things and maybe correct it or add to it?

So the flaw I decided to work on was validation. For every one positive we hear, we as humans, hear ten negatives. We are also ten times more likely to believe something negative someone says about us. Human nature also dictates that we all want to be useful and hear we are doing well. I hung out with a few friends and co-workers who are really good at saying stuff like, you are really good at...., you did a great job with...., and I liked how you handled this situations, can you show me how you did that. Well, I often appreciate people, or think they look nice, etc., or have some compliment floating in my head, but I only say something to the person about 25 to 50 percent of the time.... why? Most people have these thoughts, even driving by a house... wow, nice halloween decorations, or so and so got a nice car... but we rarely say anything, and validation is so important in society... very important, without it, a lot of problems arise...
If you don't believe me, you can borrow my counseling book that talks about how you react to the client because they need acceptance.... and you have to manage your own feelings as a counselor and understand and respond to that......:)